Self-criticism from three different perspectives

• On a scale from 0 (low) to 10 (very severe), rate how much you criticize and condemn yourself for an event or behavior. Note the number,
• How severely would you criticize or condemn another person, e.g. a friend, to whom the same thing had happened? Write down the number,
• How severely would another person, e.g. a friend, criticize or condemn you for what happened? Write down the number,
• add the three numbers together and divide by 3. Doesn’t the new number represent a more realistic and fair judgment of themselves?

He only noticed the stain on his trousers shortly before the interview.

He judged himself for his lack of attention with a 9 on a scale of 0 to 10. If this had happened to his best friend, he would probably have smiled at his self-criticism and comforted him: “It can happen to anyone”. He would have given his friend a 0 on the scale. His girlfriend would also know his excitement from other contexts and would say that it probably wasn’t that bad and that it was more about the conversation itself. She would also give him a 0 on the scale.

Mathematically, the three perspectives result in: 9+0+0=9 and 9:3=3

After switching perspectives, he immediately felt better. Conclusion: Sometimes we judge ourselves for a behavior much more harshly than we would judge other people for the same behavior. Does it have to be that way?

The weather was glorious and people were looking for seats in the cafés. As a service employee, she therefore had to be quick and could not respond to every customer as she was used to. She was very annoyed that she had become loud with a dissatisfied customer. Shortly afterwards, the same thing happened to a colleague of hers.

She thought that this should not have happened to her because of her many years of professional experience. She felt very bad and gave herself full responsibility and a 10 on a scale of 0 to 10. Then she thought of her colleague who had also lost her temper and surprisingly quickly found an excuse for her behavior: “She’s actually a very calm colleague who is happy to see every guest. With that many customers, you quickly reach your limits.” She would only have given her colleague a 2 for the same behavior. She wondered what her boss would think of her. He would probably think that it was the first time in three months that she had lost her temper. He wouldn’t take it so dramatically either and would probably give her a 3.

In purely mathematical terms, this resulted in: 10+2+3=15 and 15:3=5

Conclusion: She felt that the 5 was still very high. Since it was an oversight and she had also apologized, she decided not to judge herself any further. Sometimes we judge ourselves for a behavior much more harshly than we would judge other people for the same behavior. Does it have to be that way?

Emmelkamp, P.M.G. & van Oppen, P. (2000). Zwangsstörungen. Fortschritte der Psychotherapie. Göttingen. Hogrefe

Lakatos, A. & Reinecker, H. (2001). Kognitive Verhaltenstherapie bei Zwangsstörungen. Göttingen: Hogrefe

Leahy, R.  L. (2007). Techniken kognitiver Therapie. Paderborn: Junfermann Verlag