Reduce self-criticism through comparisons

• Think about which characteristic you think you have less of compared to another person,
• on a scale of 1 to 10, how stressful does this feel to you? (1 hardly stressful to 10 very stressful),
• now think of a person who, compared to you, has much less or none of the qualities you have,
• think about how much more than “nothing at all” you already have of the characteristic,
• think about how stressful it feels for them after the comparison from 1 to 10.

She criticized herself for the fact that there were two students who had an even better average grade than her. Both students had achieved a grade of A in their final report, she had achieved a grade of A-. She felt like a failure and had been angry with herself for days.

She constantly thought about being less clever than other pupils. That was very stressful for her. On a scale of 1 to 10, she would definitely choose 10. The 10 accurately reflected all her disappointment and sadness. Now she thought of her best friend Petra, who had achieved an average grade of C, even though she had studied a lot. Peter even had a grade point average of
D. And three of her classmates hadn’t even managed to graduate due to poor grades. I wonder how they would fare? Of course, hard work and luck also play a role in grades. When she thought again about how much more she had achieved than other classmates, it didn’t feel so burdensome. On second thought, the 10 was far too high. After the comparison, she would choose a 2, because she was clever and had achieved much more than many of her classmates with a grade of A-.

We must be careful not to compare ourselves only with the best. Comparing ourselves with other people who have less than we do can boost our satisfaction.

As an entrepreneur, he had already saved a considerable sum, but there were even richer people than him in his circle of acquaintances and even millionaires with whom he compared himself. This was very frustrating for him. He kept imagining how he would feel as a millionaire.

He definitely thought he had too little money compared to other people. That put a lot of pressure on him. On a scale of 1-10, he would rate the burden he felt as a 9. Then he thought of a friend who earned very little money as an employee and had to feed a family of four. And the beggar who sat in the same parking lot over and over again and left it up to people to decide whether and how much money they would give him. He had a lot more than the beggar: a nice house, money for vacations and two cars. He could buy new clothes, even if he didn’t need them, and visit restaurants. The beggar wore the same dirty pants and sweaters over and over again and could only afford a few simple meals. In that sense, he had a lot more money than many other people. The comparison made him think. The burden had given way to compassion. On a scale of 1-10, he gave himself a 1. He had everything he needed.

Other topics can also be edited using this method. Think of appearance, for example: The desire to compare yourself with models and despair about your own appearance. Or your career: a feeling of failure at not having climbed further up the career ladder. Or think of sport: the comparison with particularly talented people or masters in the field who have had the appropriate physical prerequisites from an early age.

Filipp, S.H., Klauer, T. & Ferring, D. (1993). Self-Focused Attention in the Face of Adversity and Threat. In H.W. Krohne (Editor) (1993). Attention and Avoidance. Seattle: Hogrefe.

Leahy, R. L. (2007). Techniken kognitiver Therapie. Paderborn: Junfermann Verlag