relaxONnaming® to help with small talk

• quietly observe what is happening in the immediate vicinity or
• observe things, objects or people and
• talk about it with the other person.

Please remember to accept the other person’s lack of interest in small talk as their right and not to take it personally! You can tell after the second attempt whether there is interest or not. You also have the right to reject another person’s attempt at contact. In this case, end your unwanted invitation to small talk with a friendly greeting: “Have a nice day” or “All the best” or “Goodbye”.

He was interested in the person and was looking for a topic to get to know each other. He took his time to look around the café. He only concentrated on the things that the other person could also observe and about which the person could form an opinion.

He noticed that there were many guests sitting at the tables and started the conversation by saying: “There are a lot of guests in the café today.”

He observed that only one service employee was working and said: “But with only one person in service, it’s not easy to serve all the guests”.

He observed and noticed that the coffee in front of him was very hot: “I appreciate it when the coffee is served hot. That’s always the case in this café”.

She was interested in the person and was looking for a topic to get to know each other. She took her time to look around the platform. She concentrated on things that the other person could also observe or form an opinion about.

She observed that the trains were arriving and departing on time and said to the other person: “The trains are very punctual today.”

She observed that only a few passengers were waiting for the train and said: “But there are only a few passengers on the train at this time of day.”

She noticed that there was no garbage lying around on the platform: “I think it’s great when the platforms are kept so clean. It’s certainly not always easy.”

She wanted to avoid the silence that had set in on the phone and lighten the atmosphere. To do this, she looked around her room and named the things she could observe.

She had made herself comfortable and was sitting on the sofa in her jogging suit. She had made herself a cup of hot chocolate before the phone call. The weather was bad with rain and gray clouds. She would have had enough work. There were still some bills to pay and she urgently needed to read a book for work. Instead, she wanted to distract herself and call her friend. But her friend didn’t have much to say today and sounded a little irritable. There was a silence and she tried to lighten the atmosphere a little.

She talked about what she could observe and name: ‘I’m sitting here on the sofa in my jogging suit right now, listening to classical music. There’s a warm cup of cocoa next to me and when I look out of the window, all I can see is rain and gray clouds. I actually have time to tidy my desk now. There’s a book next to a pile of bills that I really need to read. I’m just too lazy today. What are you doing right now?”

She was interested in the person at the next table and was looking for a topic to get to know each other. She took her time to look around the disco. She concentrated on things that the other person could also observe and about which the person could form an opinion.

She observed that there were many guests in the nightclub and said to the person: “But it’s full again today.”

She observed that there were only a few guests and said: “I wonder if there’s another event today? There are so few guests.”

She observed that there were a lot of oldies being played that evening and said, “But there are a lot of oldies being played today. I like oldies. And you?”