• Pay attention to behaviors or events that are observable and nameable,
• pay attention to their consequences and effects, which are observable and nameable,
• pay attention to your own feelings that are observable and nameable due to behavior or events,

afterwards

• Starting sentences with „I“ or „me“ protects us from accusatory and reproachful-sounding „you“ sentences,
• Addressing our own feelings makes our situation understandable to others,
• Naming behavior and events,
• name their consequences and effects,
• making a request brings us closer to our goals.

Your colleague loved fresh air. Whether it was summer or winter, the window in the office always had to be open. She then sat in a draught, which annoyed her. She was also afraid of catching a cold. But every time she closed the window, her colleague opened it again. Should she say something? She decided to use talk2b and confront her colleague about his behavior and the consequences.

• Pay attention to behaviors or events that are observable and nameable.
  „Every time she closes the window, her colleague opens it again.“

• Pay attention to their consequences and effects, which are observable and nameable.
  „She sits in a draught.“

• Pay attention to your own feelings that are observable and nameable due to behavior or events.
  „Anger about sitting in a draught. Fear of catching a cold.“

afterwards

• Starting sentences with „I“ or „me“ protects us from accusatory and reproachful-sounding „you“ sentences,
• Addressing our own feelings makes our situation understandable to others.
  „It annoys me that … it bothers me that … I’m afraid that …“

• Name behavior and events.
  „It annoys me that you keep opening the window when I close it.“

• Name its consequences and outcomes.
  „I am afraid of catching a cold.“

• Making a request brings us closer to our goals.
  „Let’s agree to open the window during the breaks.“

It annoys me that you keep opening the window when I close it. I’m afraid I’ll catch a cold. Let’s agree to open the window during breaks.
She noticed that using talk2b also led to positive experiences with her husband, children and friends. By only ever addressing events and behaviors, no one had to feel attacked and judged as a person.

He was waiting for the bus after work. Earlier in the morning, he had been carrying a heavy bag while shopping. His back had been hurting all day. So he adopted a relaxed posture and stood at an angle. I wonder what people thought? The bus arrived. It took him what felt like an eternity to get on the bus. A stranger made a seat available and gave him a friendly nod. He wanted to say thank you and thought about using talk2b.

• Pay attention to behaviors or events that can be observed and named.
  The stranger offers him his seat.

• Pay attention to their consequences and effects, which are observable and nameable.
  The back pain is more bearable when sitting.

• Pay attention to your own feelings that are observable and nameable due to behavior or events.
  Be happy that there are attentive fellow human beings.

afterwards

• Starting sentences with „I“ or „me“ protects us from accusatory and reproachful-sounding „you“ sentences.
• Addressing our own feelings makes our situation understandable to others.
  „I am pleased that … I am grateful that …“

• Name behavior and events.
  „I am grateful to you for allowing me to sit.“

• Name its consequences and effects.
  „My back pain is now more bearable.“

I am grateful to you for allowing me to sit. It makes my back pain more bearable.
He noted that using talk2b helped the man understand how much he had helped him.

He knew that in relationships, whether new or long-standing, you have to work on yourself. He had read in one of the many books that the quality of a relationship depends crucially on how people talk to each other. What should he do? He wished his wife would give him a hug more often, because it calmed him down after a stressful day at work. But she rarely did, which made him more and more sad. He wanted to tell her. But he didn’t want it to come across as an attack or a reproach. He decided to give talk2b a try.

• Pay attention to behaviors or events that can be observed and named.
  His wife rarely gives him a hug.

• Pay attention to their consequences and effects, that can be observed and named.
  Calming down after a stressful day at work.

• Pay attention to your own feelings that are observable and nameable due to behavior or events.
  Sadness that hugging does not happen as often.

afterwards

• Starting sentences with „I“ or „me“ protects us from accusatory and reproachful-sounding „you“ sentences.
• Addressing our own feelings makes our situation understandable to others.
  „I am a little sad that …“

• Name behavior and events.
  „… you don’t hug me more often.“

• Name its consequences and outcomes.
  „Being hugged brings me a pleasant sense of calm.“

• Making a request brings us closer to our goals.
  „Please give me a warm welcome in your arms when I get home from work.“

I’m a little sad that you don’t hug me more often. Being held in your arms brings me a pleasant calm. Please give me a warm welcome hug when I come home from work.

talk2b helps other people to understand you better and not to feel attacked.

Altmann, T. (2020). Gewaltfreie Kommunikation. In Wirtz, M. A. (Hrsg.). Dorsch. Lexikon der Psychologie (S. 961). Bern: Hogrefe

Grawe, K., Donati, R. & Bernauer, F. (2001). Psychotherapie im Wandel. Von der Konfession zur Profession. Göttingen: Hogrefe

Hahlweg, K., Schröder, B. & Weusthoff, S. (2011). Kommunikationstraining. In Linden, M. & Hautzinger, M. (Hrsg.). Verhaltenstherapiemanual (S. 403-408). Berlin: Springer

Helbig-Lang, S., Klose, M. & Berking, M. (2020). Trainings emotionaler, sozialer und kommunikativer Fertigkeiten. In Hoyer, J. & Knappe, S. (Hrsg.). Klinische Psychologie und Psychotherapie (S. 695-708). Berlin: Springer

Helbig-Lang, S. & Klose, M. (2011). Trainings der Selbstsicherheit, sozialer Fertigkeiten und der Kommunikation. In Wittchen, H. U. & Hoyer, J. (Hrsg.). Klinische Psychologie und Psychotherapie (S. 565-585). Berlin: Springer