come to an agreement

IN this situation, we are prepared of our own accord,

• to give something in order to get something,
• to ask for alternative solutions,
• to make own suggestions,
• to reduce own demands.

Or: We pass the problem on to the other person by asking the other person for a solution:

• “What do you think should be done.”
• “How do you think the problem can be solved?”

Peter couldn’t possibly carry out the move alone. So he asked his friend if he could help him for 6 hours that day. But the friend had tickets for a soccer match that very day and declined the request.

IN that situation, Peter was prepared

• to give something in order to get something: “I’ll reimburse you the price of the ticket”,
• to ask for alternative solutions: “Does the team play on other days?
• to make own suggestions: “We’ll watch the game on TV and I’ll buy dinner”,
• to reduce own demands: “Could you maybe only help for 3 hours?”

Or: He passes the problem on to his friend by asking him for a solution:

• What do you think should be done: “I’m at a loss. What would you do if you were me?”
• How do you think the problem can be solved: “How would you solve the problem?”

The old car had to be replaced by a new vehicle. She had always raved about an expensive convertible with lots of horsepower. Her husband didn’t value luxury and preferred inconspicuous vehicles. A compromise was needed.

IN the situation, the woman was ready,

• to give something in order to get something: “We can agree on the interior design”,
• to ask for alternative solutions: “Which brand would you like?
• to make own suggestions: “It can also be a used car”,
• to reduce own demands: “We open the top from June to September.”

Or: She passes the problem on to her husband by asking him for a solution:

• What do you think should be done: “I have complied with your wishes the last two times. What do you think we should do?”
• How do you think the problem can be solved: Her husband finally suggested buying a new vehicle with a sunroof.

Hinsch, R. & Pfingsten, U. (2007). Gruppentraining sozialer Kompetenz. München: Urban und Schwarzenberg.

Hinsch, R. & Wittmann, S. (2010). Soziale Kompetenz kann man lernen. Weinheim: Beltz.

Linehan, M. (2006). Trainingsmanual zur Dialektisch-Behavioralen Therapie der Borderline- Persönlichkeitsstörungen. München: CIP-Medien.